Once upon a time I set a goal for myself. That goal was to bring my weight down to 200 lbs.
I have yet to reach this goal.
I am not one to submit myself to the falsely noble new year’s resolution. I find that resolving to accomplish something in the new year loses its appeal when the new year feels less fresh. I like to set goals, and sometimes I am successful with them. Other times I struggle.
My weight is such a goal that has led to many years of intense struggling. I have the means, I know the methods. I simply find myself edging back toward the great abyss of sugar and empty calories. I have developed quite a relationship with these calories over the 30 plus years of my life. It is an abusive relationship, however, in that I reach out for them when I find myself becoming depressed or disappointed. They comfort me for mere seconds, and then I am left with a cold emptiness in the pit of my stomach that is somewhere between guilt and confusion. Over time repeating this process, I gain weight. I have lost it and gained it back and then lost it and gained it back again. It is a cycle, and it is tiring.
I have set a new goal for this year, to be completed by the 31st of December, 2014. My goal is to be able to enjoy an especially fine bottle of scotch. Not the whole thing at once, of course. Just a serving. In order to receive this reward, I must get myself to my goal weight of 200 lbs. This will be difficult because as of the last time I looked, I was in the 270s range. This means losing somewhere from 70-80 lbs in one year. Thus, about 6 pounds in a month, nearly 2 a week. This is not impossible, but I must fight with every inch of my being to avoid falling into traps that I have laid in my own mind. I must avoid the self abuse patterns that I tend to travel in.
I know that I can reach this goal. But I have to want to reach it more than I want to console myself with food. It will be a challenge, but the challenge is set in the stone of internet notoriety at this moment.